staying in this space

so I've been doing what I always do, which is mommy denial. It happens every time you do something that shows that yes, my baby is growing too fast!!! last couple of weeks you've been saying "maaaa". dada insisted you were calling or "talking" to me. I told him to stop the wishful thinking. besides all the books, "experts", babycentre updates, tell mommies to be prepared that a baby's first word most likely be dada. i don't even teach you the sign for mama. you see the dada sign daily, so I was sure you'd be saying dada any day now. but apparently you're not a statistic!! Yay!! you really are saying "maaa" and it's me you're calling!!! wild wild wild!!
and on top of that, you're doing 5second standing sessions. not completely shocking since you fight us when we try and sit you down. you apparently prefer to stand. it's the cutest when you're holding on to the couch and reach out for a hand so you can move still standing. cray cray baby!!
in food news, your favorite food is definitely avocado. we used to speed eat them before you were born, so they wouldn't go bad. now I'm praying I get a soft one when I open the refrigerator. you've also decided you like to feed yourself as you grab the spoon from us. its definitely messy fun. by the end of the meal you literally have green avocado highlights in your hair!!

keeping mama on her toes

"how do i do that??" you might ask. well here's just some moments that illicit feelings from "awwww Zoe to eeehhhhh please don't fall"

pulling yourself up...ehhhhhhh

trying to climb stairs...ehhhhh

getting your milk anyway you can...help me

always trying to sip on mama's water

cutest after bath face..awwwwww

power of mother

"Her children rise up and call her blessed"Prov 31:28

your grandma once said I had been a challenging child-I'd like to use the word spirited:)-it would've been culturally applauded and encouraged for her to beat that spirit out of me, but instead she let me be, let me grow into my own. a gift that I'll always appreciate. especially now as the mother of a rather spirited baby I know what it'll mean to you later in life to have that spirit!

I was named Ibvisai after my grandmother (grandpa's mother-we called her mbuya). I always loved her gift of storytelling, and how when she walked into a room she didn't wait to be directed where to sit but positioned herself where she felt most comfortable. she was a strong personality whose words deeply affected those around her, good and bad. she used that influence one day to unwittingly change her granddaughters lives. as my aunts were giving grandpa their opinions on why auntie Chenai shouldn't move to America-she's only 18, she's too young; what if she gets pregnant; you can't expect her brother ( uncle Shingi was here first) at only 20 to take care of her blah blah blah-. mbuya, who  was in the room crocheting-a favorite pastime) stopped (rare occurrence) and said "she'll be fine, she's just like me, she can handle it". and that was it! grandpa and his brother uncle daniel did what needed to be done and off to the US auntie Chenai came and because of auntie Chenai  I and auntie Danai came. so because of mbuya  I'm your mother and humbled by that gift.

In 2002 i visited Zim and gogo(grandma's mother) who was now living with my your grandparents had been ill the whole time. my visit had included a couple of doctor and hospital visits with her since your grandparents had to work. we spent a great deal of time together and she held my hand a lot more than before. on the day I left to come back we said our goodbyes in her room, and then as I was walking out the door to the car, she came shuffling over as fast as her sick body could, got on her knees with her head at my feet and said a quiet prayer. that was the last time I saw her alive. I don't know what she prayed but I still feel the power of that prayer 10 years later

these are just a glimpse of the power of mothers that i have experienced that I pray I can halfway emulate. I hope years later you will understand the power of a mother's love that lasts past their lifetime. that you will ALWAYS know that I am because of the foundation and example of the mother's before me, but I am even more since I became your mother. I've never felt stronger, more powerful, confident, more determined to fulfill than I have these last 7months.
thank you for choosing me to be your mother. It's truly the greatest honor of my life.

Happy Mother's Day to you Gogo, Mbuya, and  Mommy!

baby bebe

mommy bebe

santa barbara stills

thank you God for a wonderful couple of days to celebrate..

on the santa barbara tour bus with mama

lunchtime and playtime in the park

enjoying the beach with uncle chandi

and aunt chenai who came down from LA celebrate with
us

...but mostly to give you hugs and kisses!

happy 35th chance

  

Sadly you'll one day learn some people are afraid of getting older. Not your mama. I'm so thrilled to be turning 35! its birthday month for mama all the way until may 31st when the clock strikes midnight. so exciting. maybe not as excited as I was about turning 30 ( I spent my 29th year psyched about how close 30 was getting). interestingly enough there's a book coming out where famous women are asked what they wish someone would've told them about being 30. one of my favorite ladies Angie Harmon said she wishes she hadn't been made to dread it so much. her life just gets better and better with each passing year. that made me smile.  here are a couple of thingsI have experienced and am learning in my 30's, my gift to you..

met your dad at 30, got engaged and married at 31, celebrated 32 on our honeymoon and had you at 34. I LOVE my 30's!! and today I get to celebrate my now crawling baby turning 7months today. Best Birthday To Date!! 

be thankful/grateful- for life, family, friends, blessings, heartache, success, failure...-as in actively train yourself to be grateful until one day it's just comes as naturally to you as breathing. i think I spent all of my 20's in self enforced training with quotes, verses and affirmations stuck on every bathroom mirror to drill into my head each morning and night. 

listen when God speaks-obey God. when He says to pray,pray; call someone, call. just obey. never stop or give up on your dreams. dreams do come true, maybe not as you imagined but always as God intended when you call on him and listen when He speaks

Opinions are like noses, everyone has one but we don't always enjoy the same scents..anonymous.I went through a righteous anger phase in my 20's that I'm not proud of. in my delusion of expressing my righteous opinions I'm quite sure honoring God wasn't one of the results. and don't let other people's opinions define or deter you. stay true to who God intended you be.  a forgiving heart, compassion and a kind word can break or lift a spirit. Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." most recently  as a new mommy it saddens me that other mothers are each others worst critics. so this is a new opportunity for me to be more compassionate to other mommies than I ever thought to.  so even if you don't understand why someone does what they do, give them the respect you would expect for  your decisions that might baffle others.

read a lot. you'll never stop learning. I've always enjoyed a good book from the Enchanted Land which i poured over before i could read the words, the Secret Seven series by Enid Blyton that I devoured during school breaks as an 8 year old,  to feeling like the mafia characters were my family as i lay in bed at 3am unable to put down yet another Mario Puzo book instead of studying for finals, to learning to enjoy reading the bible outside of religious education classes at boarding school, to last month when auntie chenai revealed to me that  Sidney Sheldon one our favorite authors had passed and then staying up until  2am ( i paid dearly for that the next day) a week later to finish one of his "newer" books. it's a lovely obsession that will  educate you beyond the classroom. it has helped me be a student of life beyond my mind,  my native country and more. life is the best teacher and I guess in my 20's I was the student that every time I raised my hand the teacher would groan and eye roll. now I hope that happens only occasionally ( didn't say I was now healed, and I don't want to be completely healed either) I hope each year I'm a better student of life. that now the teacher loves to banter with and now smiles with each eye rolls:)) I pray you're a better student than mama less angst..haha

"Friendship is when people know all about you but love you anyway" anonymous. pray for a healthy, loving and respectful relationships with your family and. pray for good friends that when you spend time with them your heart knows they're a godsend. and when you have bumps along the way in any of these relationships, be honest let your feelings be heard and respect the journey that each person is on and ask God-how can I be a better---.

...  and more on another day..I think of birthdays as chances. you know like a second chance at something. well today I get my 35th chance to learn from my mistakes  and continue to learn to be more loving, forgiving, compassionate and stay true to who God has called me to be. thank God. 

Off to Santa Barbara for some fun