"outside"

one question people always ask new mommy's is " bet you can't wait for her to talk?"  having been a committed aunt for the last 9 years, I'm a new mom that's cool about when it happens. I in no rush. I am a mom that likes the idea of communicating with you though and we do that with baby sign. you already know this, however today you showed what a good little student you are. sometimes it feels like I'm "talking" to myself but you're actually "listening".
we take walks pretty much everyday and this week I introduced the tree sign to you and so there was a lot of pointing and smiling on our walks on top of your regular power naps. so this morning I lay my walking clothes at the edge of the bed and figure I could use an extra 5mins of just laying there. well you had other ideas, you crawled to the edge of the bed and one by one brought my clothes to me. you didn't put them in your mouth. Strange?!? you put everything in your mouth.?!? you just stared at me. awkward!! I got up and signed "outside?" "trees?" you cocked your head to look out the window, raised your hands and started squealing and jumping!!! so off we went "outside" to go see "trees".
good job baby girl. mama and dada are super proud of you

in other news, we are working on your social skills with swimdates at your

'friend" Palmer's house and playdates indoors and outdoors. the best part is your socializing always ends in awesome naps. yay socializing!!

pathetic much??!?

when I was 12 going on 13 I was dropped off at boarding school by the entire family. It was all mostly a blur, except when the car drove away with my buddies ( your aunts and uncle) and I got scared and sad. I remember running down the stairway in the middle of the classrooms that  was parallel to driveway. I told myself to not fall apart I was the eldest and had to be strong. so I walked up those stairs to the dorms to meet my new "buddies". since then I've always figured if I could buck up at 12 I'll be good and strong when life happens. my wet pillows will probably say otherwise, but for the most part I've never had a major melt down or anxiety attack I can remember truly experiencing, until today!! 

you and I have had the blessing that I have been able to work, study, play with you nicely wrapped on mama. being apart hasn't been a necessity. when you were still baby baby you slept a lot so I logged in a day or two of work without you, a couple weeks of Pilates at a studio and a movie. BUT that hasn't happened since november 2011. yep. last year!! so today during prayer i felt God telling me to leave you with dada when I ran my errands today. WHAT!! no biggie right.?!? I tell dada this and he "calmly" says yeah cool. then gosh  darn a baby proof item needs to be returned to target. jeepers I say I guess we'll all have to go. in the garage i start feeling, this isn't right. I tell dada i'm going alone, hand you over, and wave goodbye. I have never experienced mommy guilt and thought I might get a twinge today, but i told myself, you're a big girl, be strong. Oh no! It wasn't mommy guilt it was a full on anxiety attack. And i was not strong. felt flushed, heart pounding, short quick breath and the tears would have flowed if i wasn't driving. here's the best part.. it wasn't about you because you were with your dada, so you're perfectly fine. it was ME!! I had anxiety about not having you attached to me. Pathetic much?? I promised myself I wouldn't call dada. Fail.. Called after 15mins, standing at a checkout line with only one person in front of me, feeling hot and thinking why is the cashier so slow.?!? You were fine of course. after the call I calmed a little a walked a little slower and breathed closer to normal. Pathetic much?!? by the time I was driving home I was feeling better, singing along to music and the phone rings. voice says "can I speak to Zoe's mom?" WHAT??!? It's only been 40mins! "it's the doctor's office and her results came in from Monday for her blood work.."pause -really??pause?? seriously?? "everything was negative!!" I appreciate the call, but the pause, pretty sure I stopped breathing for a second, or for a pause..haha. now it's funny. eeish

anyway we were both super excited to see each other again, but I'm glad today happened. now I can't wait to hand dada my new "mama" schedule.. hahaha delightful!!! 

pink? princess? tutu? zoe?

this had to be done! what happened today is what auntie danai would call " a double standard bebe!!" and she's half right. after years of steering her from the princess tutu world for cousin jenny she's entitled to judgement. 

your dada and I have never felt the need to call you princess or had any pink visions of you in a tutu. when I think dance class one day for you it's always been more for the athleticism than the outfits. 

then today happened. it was pool time, the pink tutu swimsuit that someone gave us has been "invisible" to me. but today  I thought what's the harm. It's just an outfit.  and OMG... you were an adorable vision of pink. we're still not calling you princess, we'll still buy more coral than pink, and this is probably the only tutu you'll have until you ask for it yourself. so auntie danai is only half right. but my gosh you looked so adorable.  I now believe every little girl should have a major pink tutu day. so today was the day, and I confess I was delighted by your cuteness. 

nine months

still can't believe you're 9 months old!! i remember when you were days old and i had all these plans of how life would be when you were 9 months old, so many ideas, rules and regulations. cray cray mama has taken a chill pill. enough about me though. this week i tried to make it a mini celebration. starting with your 9 month check up, dada and i celebrated your awesome new doctor, and that you're now a 27.5inch tall, 20 pounder!! 4th of July you had a blast at the beach, walking on the sand, playing with your cousin and eating sooo much you pooped twice in one day!! jeepers! the rest of the week was filled with morning play date with baby friends from sign class;  shopping, reading and playtime at the library and barnes & noble with mama & auntie chenai; and fun at play & music class at kidville. judging by the way you've been sleeping.. closer to sound than ever.. i'd say you've had quite the week. happy nine months my zoe:)



beach time with your cousin kelis



auntie chenai reading your favorite book to you

more playing than reading at barnes & noble

so far so fun

your first summer is here, just when you're getting more mobile, crawling, standing, climbing stairs, taking your first four steps -yes you've evolved from semi-step-, making your dada and i freak out,scream with delight and give each other "whoa' stares at the same time! this all means i have to up my energy quotient to keep up with you, and getting out more which in this weather is nothing to complain about. so far the things that make you smile are: the beginning of one of your "songs", it either lights you up or calms you down ; a trip to the pool or the beach, it actually calms you down; watching either of us cooking, you get really quiet and focused, watching and listening..so cute; giving mama hugs around my neck
, even if it includes my back hair being pulled. jeeprs and kisses/licks; (okay maybe that's one of my favorites) "walking" around the house or park squealing with joy-also known as mama's "workout". it's going to be a great summer and i'm looking forward to seeing what else you'll be up to.

playdate with Ally in the sand

your first car..



pool time with dada



"walking" at the park with mama and dada

magical moments

"the joy of the Lord is my strength"

one day after during some stretch exercises I kept my hands up and in that moment asked God to be overwhelmed by his spirit, and the sweat became intermingled with some supernatural joy tears. it felt good. those moments don't happen every time I pray but when they do. well, it's magical. the best thing though is God gives us those moments even when we don't ask, we just miss them sometimes in the busy day. so lately I've tried to be more aware. 

I try to maintain eye contact with you when you nurse as much as I did when you were a week old. then I was just hoping you knew i was your mommy. now I see you watch me, your eyes smiling when I smile or make silly faces. delightfully magical.

when we're hanging out upstairs and you're doing your favorite dangerous move. leaning over the edge of the bed. I sign music to distract you, and you look at the iPhone in anticipation. watching your face when the music starts and your little hand go up as you start to move your little body and do your new high pitched scream..I mean singing:)).worship music never sounded so good. our dance sessions with dada as we play 'call me maybe' or 'walking' over and over again because we just can't stand the cuteness.  magically musical moments

coming downstairs from a late afternoon nap, wondering why it's so quiet downstairs to find you wrapped in the ergo on dada, intently watching him cook dinner. heart-melting magical moment

watching you "swim" for the first time, climbing the stairs without help, taking a semi step without holding onto something and squealing with delight when we say good job. and then of course showing off by doing it again. just magical. 

writing this as you fall asleep on my chest.. always magical

so many purely magical moments that fill my heart and soul, and scream holy spirit presence in my heart.  I'm grateful for God's grace that showers us with so many life moments, even on days when we're not worthy. "Your grace is enough for me" 

Our Father who art in
Heaven, hallowed be thy name.." Mt 6:9  Thank you Father for being such a patient, loving, gracious God!!

Oh I love a celebration! and today we get to celebrate dads. I could spend the day sad about grandpa not being here but instead I choose to celebrate him and your dada!
when I married your dada I knew he would be great dad. he was itching to hold his little one soon. having had a great dad, it made me look forward to us having you, especially when we found out your were a girl.

 see grandpa was what your aunts and I call an awesome "girl daddy." he pushed us to have brains but loved to see us dressed up-his words "beautiful".  he actually liked taking us shopping. sometimes he would just shop for us on his own and bring home something good. my first memory was my first holy communion dress when i was maybe 6 years old..ahh I die just thinking of it. white lace with a suede black belt with a flower petal bow!! I still dream about it. the second communion i was at boarding school and had no choice but to wear whatever they brought me weeks before. he bought four outfits. some hardly appropriate i.e shorts, but hey they were white right? I also dream about the gorgeous sari he brought from a trip to India,  the on trend outfits he'd get us on Oxford street on his London trips and gorgeous fabric from Ghana to get outfits made!! my Leaver's Dance dress  ( that would be Prom here) was a novelty for most of my audience when I got home and modeled it. less cake-topper (the more popular at school) more..well it was a LBD,  knee length so nothing to give the nuns at boarding school pause.. grandpa's jaw dropped and exclaimed "beautiful". that's all i needed. in my head i was the belle of the ball! all of grandma's best outfits, grandpa bought.  you'd never guess looking at him, grandma asked him almost every time we left the house to go change or tuck something in. hilarious!

basketball cake for dada

your dada is thankfully a girl daddy. a lover of brains and beauty. he gets just as excited about a trip to shop for you as much as when we talk about preschool, and yet another possible college for you ( yes we are those parents). I've only done one shopping trip for you without him. otherwise he feels left out:)) yep you're one blessed little girl. one day you'll have lots of your own dada stories to tell, but for now these are your thoughts after 8 months with your "girl dada"...We love you dada, enjoy...

http://www.photoshow.com/watch/ds9yK6TF