how to be your mama??!!

i'll just be here eating my fist

you need me to what??





what's a cash register without a pack n play behind it

playtime with dada

diving into solid foods

one thing i've learned in the last 3.5 months is being your mom is an ongoing adventure of life's surprises. i have felt them more poignantly this year, yes all 20days of it. from going on vacation with you, and realizing there is no such thing as vacation with a newborn. it's not like you stop being a baby and all of a sudden you're feeding, changing and taking care of yourself, no the routine must stay the same for sake of all our sanity.
then upon getting back the very next day you and i started our morning-1:30/2pm routine of getting up earlier and being at the store alone while dada went to training for his Real Estate.
I always try not to freak myself out about situations before they happen, i find it too exhausting and as a new mom i'm even more aware of how much i need every ounce of energy. since i found out i was pregnant with you i have also made  it my daily mission to keep myself as positive and joyful as i can. i don't know how much you pick up from my moods so better safe than sorry, right?. so i started the night we got back by trying to get you back on the bottle, one word for that endeavour, maybe two SCREAMING DISASTER!! and i reacted like any normal cool collected mom would do, i screamed really loud-in my head-but i screamed!!and then i prayed. and have been doing so everyday more fervently.
there's a difference between knowing your a mom/entrepreneur and actually being one. yes i have to run the business but i most also be your mommy 24/7, and God knows that and showed his bottomless grace and compassion to us this last week and a half. everyday he showed me new ways to be your mom and still get the job done, we had a day or two where i might have screamed in my head, but overall i think today we can confidently say, well you can coo, that we did it. we played we ate, we laughed, you slept a lot-thankfully and we sold shoes. besides it's really hard for me to curl up in a little ball of self pity when i consider what my grandmothers- Ibvisayi Mary (your grandpa's mom) and Sarah( your grandma's mom)-did. Not only did they have 10 and 7 kids respectively, they would have a home birth, pull themselves by the boot straps and days later be back in the field tilling the land to feed their families with a baby strapped on their backs. and these fields weren't your everyday granny garden. they were as the word implies fields, as in acres. so working the field was like, actually was a full-time daily(except Sunday's) job. and they would maintain clean huts and living areas and yards and tend to their husbands. so i keep my two grandmothers that i loved dearly and from whom i  learned so much from  in mind and pull up my boot straps, and with you strapped on my chest i till my fields.

oh and ps: we started you on solids this week. yes that's a whole other screaming in my head blog. best we leave that for another day..

love
your ever-learning mother